How to Ask for Help When You’re Drowning in Motherhood and All the To-Do Lists

laptop buried under pile of laundry

I see you. That mountain of laundry, endless dishes, the toys you’ve tripped over for the hundredth time today, and the mental list that just. keeps. growing. It’s like you’re swimming against a tidal wave of “to-dos” with no lifeboat in sight. You love your kids, but man, this is hard.

Here’s the truth: You don’t have to do it all. Let me say it again for the moms in the back — you don’t have to do it all alone. But, asking for help? Oof. That feels like its own struggle, right? I mean, we're moms! We’re supposed to be superhuman and magically get it all done without breaking a sweat (insert sarcasm here).

But you know what? Asking for help doesn’t make you less of a mom. It makes you human — a tired, overwhelmed human who deserves support just like anyone else. And the best part? There are gentle, guilt-free ways to ask for help without feeling like you're "failing" at this motherhood thing.

1. Start Small

The idea of asking for help can feel like admitting defeat. It’s not. Start by thinking small. Instead of overwhelming yourself with a huge list of things you need help with, pick one or two areas where you’re really struggling. Maybe it’s asking your partner to handle bedtime so you can just breathe for a moment. Or asking a friend to bring over coffee and let you vent for 15 minutes.

Small steps can lead to big relief, mama. It’s okay to delegate tiny tasks that pile up.

2. Use “We” Language

When you ask for help, it can be easy to feel like you’re dumping a burden on someone else. Soften the request by using "we" instead of “I.” It feels less like a demand and more like a team effort. For example, “We’ve got a lot going on today. Can we tackle dinner together so it’s not all on one person?” It keeps the conversation open and collaborative, rather than like you’re handing off a never-ending list of chores.

3. Be Honest About Your Feelings

If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t want to burden anyone,” raise your hand. 🙋‍♀️ Yep, been there. But mama, it’s okay to admit you’re struggling. Being honest about your feelings can make all the difference. You can say something like, “I’m feeling really overwhelmed, and I could use some help with a few things.” There’s nothing wrong with that. Vulnerability is powerful. The people who care about you want to know when you're not okay.

4. Ask for Specific Help

Sometimes, people want to help but don’t know how. Rather than saying, “I need help,” try asking for something specific. Maybe it’s, “Can you pick up groceries while you’re out?” or “Could you watch the kids for an hour so I can get a break?” Clear, specific requests are easier for people to respond to and can help you get the support you need without feeling guilty.

5. Let Go of Perfection

This one’s a hard pill to swallow, but... not everything will get done perfectly — and that’s okay. When someone helps, it might not look the way you’d do it. The laundry may not be folded the “right” way, the dishes might still have water spots, and the toys might not get put in the exact bins. But guess what? It’s still progress, and it’s still help.

Give yourself permission to let go of the idea that everything has to be done your way, all the time. The world will keep spinning even if the towels are folded wrong (I promise).

6. Embrace the Village

You’ve probably heard the saying, “It takes a village,” and it’s true. The pressure to be a supermom is overwhelming, but no one does this alone. Whether it’s family, friends, neighbors, or even another mom you met at the park — embrace your village.

Asking for help is like sending up a flare: “I’m here, and I could use a hand!” You’d be surprised how many people are ready to catch you when you’re falling, even if it’s something as simple as texting a friend and saying, “I’m drowning over here. Can you chat for five minutes?”

7. Be Kind to Yourself

This one’s important, mama. Sometimes, the hardest person to ask for help from is... yourself. Be kind to that woman in the mirror. She’s trying her best, even on the days when it feels like everything is slipping through her fingers.

Give yourself grace. Let yourself rest. Ask for help when you need it. You are an amazing mom, and no amount of support from others changes that.

You don’t have to be superhuman, and you don’t need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You just need to give yourself permission to ask for help — and then take a deep breath when it comes.

You’ve got this. And when you feel like you don’t, that’s okay too. Your village is here for you, ready to help you weather the storm, one to-do list at a time.